Imagination's the limit…

Posts tagged “Life

Just a Little Secret

We all have that little secret we keep. A chain of clandestine thoughts, memories, information we don’t easily divulge to anyone else. There are some exceptions though. Often-times we share them to exclusive people we know well to trust; perhaps close friends and even family. The point is every secret has to surface somewhere, somehow. Everybody needs an outlet. A medium to express it to or through. Want to know a little secret? Make sure you can keep one first!

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Prologue

It is now my second year after pursuing the entrepreneurial life I so desire to live by. Oh how time truly pass so fast. Tell you, those years were all blood, sweat and tears for me. I was completely under the illusion that taking the path of entrepreneurship would be a walk in the park. I have never been so wrong.

The struggles. The pain. The people I lost. People I thought I could count on now gone and I am left all alone again in my own lonely world. The rejection. The sacrifice. The bitter-sweet life I got disillusioned by my fantasies of the great life brought by walking down the entrepreneur’s path.

Ah… the act of self-pity… is simply fallacy…

I am personally amazed at how I no longer drown myself with my own self-pity thoughts. Amazed at my own personal growth.

If there’s one thing I have learned about being an entrepreneur is that we have no room for self-pity and down-trodden miserable self-doubt. It is either that you’re in or you’re out, take it or leave it, no pain no gain drivel.

Every action bears an equal amount of reaction. Sir Isaac Newton’s third law of physics. For every closed door there is a better opened opportunity out there. All you need to do is to simply grab it!

That means, amidst the struggles, rejections and pain… being an entrepreneur has its perks… and I mean A LOT!

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We cheer up when we FAIL… coz we’re only taking our “First Attempt In Learning…

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When everything seems to END… always remember “Effort Never Dies!”

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When someone says NO… bear in mind that they’re only opening “New Opportunities” for us…

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And when someone or something STOPs us… take a “Short Time Of Prayer” to “Stay Tough Over Problems” and to “Sit Think Observe & Plan” for a better “Solution, Tactic, Or Process”

That’s why we entreps are badass! Coz we were born to lead! except that… “Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men–the other 999 follow women.” Groucho Marx

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PS – I’ve got more coming your way so stay tune! Chow!


Valkyrie – War Maidens Teaseract

It’s been 10 long years since the Dragonborn disappeared in the ashes of Helgen after a vicious attack from the Dragon Alduin. Bound for execution, she was believed to have died scorched by the inferno that raised the helpless town to the ground. Little be known that the flames could only do so little to kill her fiery spirit. As Dovakin, she rose from the ashes and with her, a new order, The Valkyries of Tamriel. 

EP 1 - War Maidens CoverOkay, so I must embarrassingly admit that it took me a year before I could post something up this Blogspace. *sigh* Been caught up with a lot of things lately. From working two jobs day and night, to working on my own personal business, not to mention playing the stock market… You could literally say I’ve been killing myself for the whole year. hahaha

Anyhow God’s been really great to me by far. Fixed some personal troubles from family, to finances, to broken relationships. He’s given me a second chance at life and it’s never been better!  I realized that it was my responsibility to mend the troubles going on around me. I was the missing key and the only reason these troubles were going on was because I turned my back on them. I usually run away from anything that bothers me. Yet through my experiences at work and business and avid gaming and bible reading, I realized you NEVER turn your back on your troubles. As matter in fact! You face them!

It sucks to realize that a little bit later in life but hey! It’s never too late! And with that… I can surely smell success close by… no kidding man! hahaha

As for love life? uhh… hmmm.. eeehhh… fine! It’s an embarrassing zero! Nil! Nada! Pffft! Naaah! Just kidding! I didn’t jump into one yet because I knew I’d be investing most of my time career-wise. It wouldn’t be fair for the lady if I wouldn’t make time for her whoever she is. I just believe she deserves to be treated right with the affection and care a woman normally needs.

Although I won’t deny I have my eyes bewitched by one gal and one gal only. Celia. Yeap, you heard me right. That time I decided to ask her out was the time I decided to shut my doors from anyone else and as the One-Woman guy that I am… here I am… Transfixed on a wishful dream. hahaha

Seriously man, I personally wanna build myself up to be the right man whether it be for her or whoever God has in store for me. I just want her to have the best of my y’know (shocks! so cheesy! hahaha). Yet since I am so entranced by her, that lead me into making one of this fictional stories that… as I said earlier, “a dream that only I know.” hahahaha poor me… hahaha

So now you know the story of what lead me into writing this fan-made non-canon story. I’ve been playing a lot of Skyrim during my free time so this idea came in. This one would be dedicated to her though (amazing what inspiration could do to you… ahhhhh <3_<3).

The story revolves around this girl named “Celina.” She is known to be the dragonborn or the dovakiin or in simpler terms, dragon whisperer. Experience adventure with her as she travels the province of Skyrim where she’d meet several other interesting characters who’d eventually form the Valkyrie Order. I won’t spoil you guys on her back story though. I’ll leave that for the comic strips to tell.

As for now… lemme just post some photos to tease you guys. :))

Comic TestThe story would be told in semi-comic strip style so expect lots of images on the “e-book.” (called it e-book because I couldn’t publish it as a real book… besides, this is all just for fun, non-profit stuff.)
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So that’s about it I could show you guys for now. hehe Now wait till the whole comic is done! *evil laugh* muhahahaha

Just kidding! I’ll be posting the whole comic here anyways so stay tune! 😉

PS – Credits for the cover photo goes to the respectful owner. Sorry I don’t know his/her name but if you find it in my blog and you know it’s yours! Credits goes to you mate! 🙂
All materials used belongs to Bethesda Studios as well. 🙂

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18 Below

Everybody has that painful experience that occurs in our lives. Some make us, some break us. Yet no matter what, one of life’s greatest beauties are the people around us that ensures that we never have to walk through life alone. Funny… the irony… how your biggest misery could be your biggest joy…

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Edward was feeling down and broken after a failed investment burned some of the hard earned cash he’s made. It wasn’t easy to lose such huge amount. Believe me!

After being able to en-cash his income from a half million deal, he divided his earnings to invest them into different investments he could make at the moment. He was making money work for him. And it did!

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However, investments always has risks and at one point, Edward was not spared. One of the investments he’s invested on failed and it burned a whole bunch of cash.

Down-right and depressed… He came to visit his good friend and business partner Clybes.

“Dude! Dude! I just burned my cash! My investment failed and I lost a huge amount of cash!!!” Edward said in panic…

“What the hell man? You sound like you’re excited about it rather than being sad about it.” Clybes being the jolly guy that he is said.

Edward gave out a sarcastic laugh, “It’s funny coz I look as if it were nothing…”

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“Reminds me of the time you got dumped man… You looked like trash one day, then suddenly there you are crazy as fuck, going YOLO and shit!” Clybes gestured in disapproval, “Anyway, why don’t we go to a night club and drink to it, yeah?”

Edward having nothing left to say simply agreed.

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*at the night club*

“Hey dude! Check out the sign!” Edward pointed out at a warning sign posted on the wall.

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“Hmm… It says No Under 18…

“Now what?” Clybes asked, “We’re already here!”

“This is a big problem indeed!”

The both thought about it for a while outside the night club. From intergalactic Trojan horse battleships to Caribbean Pirates and gold. Their thoughts pondered off so far away from reality until….

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“Hey!” Edward excitedly exclaimed, “I’ve got an IDEA!”

“What bro? What is it?”

“Why don’t we just go home?”

“What?!”

“We’re only two people. We should come back when we’ve got 18 or more people with us! Damn I’m a genius!” Edward bragged.

“Alright, sounds logical,” Clybes agreed in content…

And the both went on home…

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[END]

Credits go to the rightful owners of the images used in this write-up. Images are used to illustrate scenes described in the write-up and for entertainment purposes only.


Leap of Faith

Have you ever made a decision in your life so critical? A decision that could mean the difference between failure and success? When your decision may potentially benefit you yet affect others in the process? When the result seems or feels unknown? I have… and let me tell you my story…

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“Marie… Marie dear…” Mrs Pots cried out from a distance.

It was a humid afternoon that day when Mrs Pots called out the most beautiful lady in town, well for me of course, to meet me. I’ve known her a few years ago. Long brown hair, slumber-some eyes, kissable lips, what’s not to like? We were young back then and it’s been a while since I’ve seen her. My heart was pounding, sweat was dripping and I think I was gonna get my trousers wet in sweet anticipation. Thank God I didn’t.

A few moments later she came out the door. That heavenly creature coming down the isle of the front yard. Time slowed.

I started to remember the years that has gone by. How it all started. The time when tenacity was painted across my face. The time when I was young and free. I was a bachelor without any direction but to live life as it is. Everyday was an adventure and the world was my playground, my struggle rather. The time when a demon called, “Poverty” possessed me.

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Everyday was hell. What? You thought being so carefree was heaven? You thought wandering off with no concerns was paradise? It is at some point. Until you realize you have needs. You have to eat, 3 times a day. Back then, I had to eat garbage. *sigh*

There was a time when I remembered feeling so hungry. So hungry indeed that I would eat almost anything. I remembered swimming in a pile of garbage searching for some food. I remembered begging people for food or money, only to receive their disdain. Such a resentful life I lived.

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A day came when I decided to do something about it. I was desperate! I needed something to fill my hunger quick! I saw a merchant passing by with goods on his wagon. I hopped in and took all the food my hands could grab. I filled my mouth with whatever I could bite. It was heaven! Food heaven rather!

“HEY! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY CART YOU LITTLE RUNT!”

I’ve been spotted. He knew I was inside the wagon and yelled out so loud that most of the townsfolk realized I was the culprit.

I ran. Ran for dear life. Fear yet satisfaction filled my thoughts. But I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t coz if I did, the townsfolk would beat me up.

I met a club to my face. Knocked me out unconscious. Next thing I know, I was on the ground receiving kicks and punches on all parts of my body. It hurts, but my disorientation took the best of me that I seem to no longer know pain. The feeling of certainty that death would take my breath away that day.

But what’s this? The brawl seemed to have stopped. I felt a warm embrace that covered me like a blanket. I tried to open my eyes yet I could only afford to open one. I saw a girl. As young as I was. Her face was close to mine as she held me tight. A day I would never forget.

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The authorities came and took me into prison. Prison bars held no sympathy for little boys like I was back then. But something changed. I felt hope. I look forward to the day I am gonna meet her again. That day when I get out of these chains.

I remembered those years I served in prison as a decade passed. I remember the time I was set free. How much has changed? I had no idea. Yet one thing was certain, I held on to that little hope I had. To that warm embrace. I had direction. I had a purpose.

Years gone by and I remembered being the wealthiest man in town. My wishes of seeing her again drove me to my limits. Something to live for everyday. Looking forward to the day that I see her again. People who used to spit at me now respect me. No longer was I chained under possession of a demon but guided by the blessings of an angel called “Wealth.”

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Luxury was in everything I do. From grand balls to elegant gatherings. I lived as a king. Yet what good is it for a man to gain the whole world when he loses his soul. My soul. That angel back then…

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In desperation I searched for her. I traveled vast and wide in search for her. Town after town, country after country only to search for my soul.

I seem to have lost all hope…

I remembered walking by the park in grief one fateful night. In constant battle against my thoughts. When I heard weeping by the park bench. A lady dressed in white was crying. I came to her side to weep with her. Sometimes… you don’t need to say anything to make someone feel better. It’s when you’re there with them feeling exactly the same way they feel that’ll make them feel right.

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She gave me a tight warm hug that night. I reciprocated. I knew it will make her feel better. Her weeping got her weary where she eventually fell asleep by my lap. Watching her innocently sleep was heavenly. I felt at peace. I fell. I fell for her that night.

“Hello Dear”

I snapped out of my thoughts. There I saw Marie standing before me. Her beauty was beyond compare.

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“Shall we go?” she exclaimed with excitement.

I lifted my arm in gesture for her to rest her arms on mine and we went off. After all that has happened. After all that I’ve gone through. Life has always been so beautiful. All you need is to take a little leap of faith…

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*at the garden*

“I always knew your were that girl back then.”

Marie looked at me bewildered.

“You protected me from those people.”

She suddenly felt breathless…

I fell on one knee.

“I’ve searched for you all this time.”

I had her crying…

“Will you marry me?”

It rained that night…

~love, John

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All credits given to the rightful owners of the images used in this write-up. Characters in this write-up are fictional. Images used in the write-up are to give a visual portrayal of the scenes.


Angels In Disguise

Angels come close at times when you least expect it. Believe me, I’ve been there. Amidst the sex, drugs and metal lifestyle I once had, I Dave Murdoc, vocalist of the metal group Ashtray, can earnestly testify that there are those watching over you. And no matter how fucked up your life can be, heaven’s got a way out for every shit you’ve been. This is my story…

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There’s no other way to express yourself to the world the way music does. For some, it is an expression. For others, it is a hobby. For some, it’s a retarded way to make a living. I for once fall under all those. I remembered starving whenever we never had a gig. Me and the guys would simply get to practice with aching stomachs. No gig means no cash. And that was our life back then. Survival depended on the gigs we made.

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Fortune surely does favor the bold. After all the hardwork and sleepless nights. After getting our asses kicked out of several apartments for not paying the rent. After starving ourselves before a gig. Everything seemed worth it. We nailed a record deal with one of the starting recording companies in town. Finally, we were able to make a couple of bucks out of the music we do.

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Oh, speaking of music, I forgot to tell you guys that we, Ashtray, are a five man heavy metal band. Our music usually speaks of the anger, hate, rage, and sex. All of which were our way of coping with all the bullshit this world’s gotta offer. In other words, our lyrics were about how much pain we’ve endured and what we did to deal with it. Let’s face it… we all know life’s full of shit and you don’t face it looking pretty. You face it with attitude. Let life know that it just can’t step on you like shit. Most say life’s a bitch, so we all just gotta fuck it. I’d say damn straight!

Anyway, Ashtray slowly emerged to be a successful metal band. I tell you, earning our first few millions was like winning the lottery. We never knew were to spend the money. We wasted it knowing that as long as we’ve got fans and listeners, it’ll just keep pouring into our pockets.

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Money wasn’t a problem. The only problem about it is where to spend it? We did a lot of crazy things back in the day. I turned into an adulterer. I lost my senses and fell into addiction. I couldn’t stop my vices. For me, sex and drugs and metal were the only things in my head at the time. I even joined the cult out of random mindless thought. Never new what it was, it just felt good. I felt happy. Fulfilled. It’s what we’ve all been working so hard for right? To become rich and famous, enjoying what we do; music.

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A producer from our cult came up to me and started suggesting to change our lyrics for the next record. It should be in praises of ourselves for accomplishing all these. To tell everybody how you and only you can move your ass out of the shit-hole you currently are in right now.

Everything went on. Perfect. Smooth. We were off the charts. Earning billions out of every record we sold. I wasn’t missing anything. I had every woman I could get my hands on. Everything I ever wanted. I can do everything when I want to and where I want to. I was the happiest motherfucker in the world.

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One day, Phil, our guitar player came up to me. He looked rather frustrated and wasted. I simply thought he was just out of drugs and he needed another fix. So I offered him some of mine. He shrugged it aside, took a chair and sat right in front of me.

“What’s up man? You look like shit today.” I said.

I saw tears running down his cheeks, he was saddened. Grieving. I don’t know how to deal with this sort of crap.

but then he muttered.

“Ivan’s dead”

A moment of silence filled the room. It was deafening. I couldn’t seem to take in such bullshit. Ivan’s one of the closest mates I’ve had on the team. Our one and only bass player. A fucking brutal prick but a brother non-the-less.

“Dave!” Phil said, “Ivan’s DEAD! he overdosed.”

I remember smashing the television set that day. Flipping over chairs and tables in rage. I yelled and cursed expressing every anger I had inside.

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I mean think of it? We starved together. We got booted out of several apartments together. All five of us were a team, a family. It was all too much for me to accept that a brother had passed. I was depressed. Angered. Infuriated. I did more and more drugs. Drank booze. Fucked all day. I’ve literally gone insane!

Days, weeks, and months came to pass… we found ourselves a new bassist just to continue on the fire we had. Though it will never be the same without Ivan, our new bassist Mark brought a different darker sound into the table. We were one unstoppable brutal machine.

We toured over and around the country. Playing from state to state, show after show. Until one night, I went out to take in some fresh air. I strolled along the park a few blocks away from the hotel, puffing some smoke and then right there, I saw a little orphan girl. She was lying by the park bench all curled up. Her clothes seemed tattered and ragged. She was all dirty and all. And definitely I knew she’s hungry. She woke up and stood as soon as she scented the smell of smoke around me. She looked up to me with pity eyes and lifted her hand. I wanted to shrug her off and tell her that I had no cash or better yet, nothing to offer. I was still angry that night. After all that’s been happening, the least thing I had that night was mercy. If it were just me, I would have shoved my boot straight into her face.

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But something came in to me that night. Though she did a begging gesture towards me, she wasn’t actually begging. Instead, there was something in her hand. She was actually trying to give me some thing. I drew closer to have a look. I was curious. I felt like a child again. Ignorant.

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Then I saw it in her hand. A locket. It had a picture of her and her family. Her parents. Senses came into me. She was an orphan. That night I felt warm hands embracing my own cold heart. With those innocent blue eyes looking up to you, who wouldn’t melt in the presence of her fragile innocence?

It was the first time I felt weak. The first time I trembled into submission. I drew close to her, fell on one knee and asked, “What’s your name? Where do you live?”

“Sarah” She said with a sway from left to right. She seemed shy.

“I don’t have a home.” She replied. After a little scratch on one eye she continued, “I live here for now, I sleep over there near the fountain.”

She took me by the hand and dragged me towards the fountain. Now I’m not a religious man, nor did I ever believe in a god but something about that place felt spiritual; magical. I felt calm; at peace. Serenity enveloped my very soul. I felt things that I thought I would never have felt. Seeing the beautiful dimmed park lights, hearing the sound of flowing water coming from the fountain. I realized that sometimes, the simplest things in life are the most rewarding to have. Most of us take these things for granted in our quest to achieve more, but nothing beats simplicity. I realized that day that simplicity was beauty at it’s best.

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And if there’s one thing I felt, it was the feeling like I’m never the only one grieving in this world. I’m never the only one who’s experienced losses and pain. Surreal.

There’s always someone less than me and for that there are things that I should be grateful for.

I knelt down again in front of the little girl and gave her a hug. For the first time in my fuckin life tears started rolling down my cheeks.

“Would you want to come home with me?”

Now that seemed like a stupid statement I made. What would my buddies think? I’ve gone pedophile? Gay? What happened to the baddest motherfucker in the band? But I cared less about what they think. If there’s one thing I decided that day, it’s to live for Sarah. To raise her up as one of my own. I don’t really know what it feels like to be a dad but she needed one. And I don’t really know what’s gotten into me but I was willing to be that man for her.

To be her role model. To be her provider. To be her dad.

Time passed. I slowly introduced her to the guys as days gone by. What amazed me was that, they weren’t that skeptical about it either. They embraced her as one of us. Funny huh? Five brutal metal heads being a dad to one innocent little girl. Yes! it does sound pretty gay man. But it gave us all a direction. Something to live for.

I lived well. Quit my vices and even started doing my best to be the best role model for her.

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It was a Friday night and Hammerfest has begun. Now Hammerfest is the title of our concert that night. The crowd was wild. The people were insane. We played our top songs which the crowd loved. It was heavy. Booze was everywhere. There was even a fuckin moshpit in the crowd. We had fun really. Yet before our last song.

I went backstage. After a few minutes, I came back with me carrying Sarah with one arm. I walked towards
the mic and said…

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“We all experience shit in our lives. Some of them unbearable. Some we may never recover from….”

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“I’m no different from you guys. We’re all the same. What differs now is that I’ve found the purpose of my own existence. And she’s right here… My daughter Sarah.”

~music starts playing in the background~

“I dedicate this song to her…”

The crowd went silent. I bet they’re finding it really weird for a heavy metal band like us playing something sentimental as that song…
I never cared… Sarah meant the world to me and that’s what’s important.

I wasn’t expecting the crowd to be happy bout it. But little did I know, the people loved it. They were singing along enjoying the song. I? I sang it with all my heart… For Sarah.

A few weeks later after that awesome concert. I brought Sarah to a toy store. I promised to buy her that favorite doll of hers. I waited by the counter while I watch her disappear into the shelves full of toys to get her prize.

“Hello, how may I help you?” a beautiful young lady approached me with a smile.

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She was tall, sleek and poised. I was bedazzled by her presence. Her long straight hair, beautiful smile and pleasing ambiance got my knees shaking. Good thing I thought of getting myself a haircut, thanks to Sarah of course.

I was tongue-tied for a couple of minutes. I stood there staring blankly at her. She had her name printed on her nameplate. Layla Rosedale. 

“Are you alright sir?”

I snapped out of my thoughts. I couldn’t think of anything else but reach out my hand in good gesture and introduce myself.

“Hi, I’m Dave Murdoc, You are?”

Pretending to be dumb seem like the smartest thing I could do.

“Layla,” she replied… “Layla Rosedale”

Before I could utter another word…

“Daddy Daddy!” Sarah yelled out from a distance. “I want this! I want this!”

She ran up to me to show me the toy in her hand.

“Oh is she your daughter? She’s really lovely.” Layla said in compliment.

“Indeed she is, she means a lot to me.” I replied.

“I bet her mother’s really lovely too.”

Speaking of which, Sarah doesn’t have a mother. I’ve been her single guardian or better yet her only foster parent. I believe she’s gonna need one and soon.

“Well she doesn’t have a mother, honestly she’s an orphan and I took her in to my care. Although I would really appreciate it if you’d help me with the mother part.”

She giggled. A sweet sound to my ears.  Euphoric. But that was a pretty quick move. Hope it goes smooth though. Oh well…

“Well, I’ll see what I can do.” she replied with a smile.

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~END~

Credits go to the rightful owners of the elements used in this write-up. This is a fictional story made by DizCyple.


Earthly Heaven

A gust of wind brushed through her hair as she walked by the shore line. With the ambient sound of the waves, she heard utmost silence. Magic filled the night sky as the eve went on. Nothing could compare to that ample time of solitude. She closed her eyes, chuckled and let out a breath of whisper, “I wish you were here.”
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I haven’t said much, nor do I have anything else to say. Random thoughts and words just come out to play. My feeble mind tells me things at random. I know it is somehow important to keep my thoughts intact, but I can’t seem to get my mind right and I wonder why.

Cross, yeah, that’s my name. Angel Cross it is. I’ve been wondering these city streets almost all my life now ever since I got here. I’ve seen much to the point where I could tell stories of such. Stories of life. Stories of death. Stories of joy. Stories of sorrow. Each and every person has a story to tell. Each person has their own share of grief and misery. Even happiness and excitement. I guess that’s what you call life. Beautiful, just like the city lights.

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Yet if there’s one thing I’ve realized, everything you do comes back to you. Everything around us is energy. An equal amount of negative and positive. Whatever you do unto others comes back to you.

Let me guess… You’ve heard of that crap already? Golden rule? Karma?

Some say it’s true, some say it’s bullshit. I say it’s both. Because the truth can also be full of shit some times. Although that my dearest, depends on how we view things in life. Some embrace the truth, others shun it. I hold a mixture of both.

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Why? You ask my love?

I prefer to see things in different perspectives. From what is good down to what went wrong. I want to hear both sides of the story. To know the truth from different points of view.

I understand your concern dear. Your care. Yet I assure you my love, I hold the decision to my own confusion. They say life is a game made up of the choices we make. We become lonely and sad because we choose to be. We become happy and fun because we decided to be. We don’t have time because we don’t make time. It all falls down to us then again.

So whenever you’re sad… whenever you feel like I’m not around. I want you to know that you don’t have to feel so bad. Cheer up! I’ve got your back! Happiness is not found within you but within others as well. The more you try to find it in you, the more you’ll end up disappointed. Find joy in the happiness of others my love. With that you’ll find satisfaction and content with this borrowed time of ours. Accept things as they are and you’ll realize that you have all you need.

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As for love… do not awaken it until it so desires my beloved. Stay still and let it come when the time is right.

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I apologize for your loss my dear. We’ve been truly living in this borrowed time.

Remember that time at the pub? You sweetly whispered into my ear begging me to take you to that beautiful paradise. How could I refuse? Your sweet kissable lips touching my ears. Your soft angelic voice. The tender touch of your hand to mine. The aroma of your delicate scent. The curls on your wavy hair.

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My dear… your are my heaven on earth.

and I promise to take you here… a place better than that paradise I promised you. Some day… when the time is right.

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She then opened her eyes and took a deep breath. She genuinely smiled as her gaze affixed towards the horizon. 

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 She sat on the sand, took out a stick and drew a circle around her. She took out a black book and started chanting words no one understands. The heavens opened up and a flash of lightning cracked through the sky. A roar of thunder followed, then the voices in her seemed to have disappeared. 

6

“My love”, She said, “Let me be the one to bring you back to our earthly heaven.”

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VampireEyes

~FiN~


Aside

Conscience

Life… no body can teach you how to live it. Sometimes, you just have to figure things out on your own. And as I constantly struggle to battle the inner demons within me, things just had to get worse. Edward’s the lost soul now… No wonder I hate it when people call me Edward.

Things aren’t going easy for John. Sleepless nights, breathless days and the feeling of being punched right through the gut gets the best of him. It’s torture in all aspects of the universe. Lost some of his friends, his girl, and hopefully not his life. The strong urge of getting himself killed always gets to him. Thank heavens he gets himself busy and occupied to do things. Yet either ways… things don’t seem to help.

“Why does it still hurt?” he asks…

“I’m happy to know that she’s happy… but if I really am… the why do I feel being crunched up inside.”

“It’s all in the mind” I told him, “It’s all in your thoughts”

Yet despite the futile attempt to comfort the saddened young man, I can see what’s going on in him. He sweats heavily, you could hear his chest pounding when you’re near him, you can really tell that he’s broken.

If there’s any way I could help this young man I would… But what is the cure? Love? Where the hell could I get that? He doesn’t seem to want to get a new girl right now. Nor does he intend on making out with another babe. Yet somehow, I have to agree with him. Doing those things will only hurt him more.

The dissatisfaction he had with his past relationship, the hurts and pains, may only be passed on to the new girl. It wouldn’t be fair for her.

There’s only two ways  to fix these sort of problems though.

1 is to get back with his ex and get things fixed together.

– it helps create a stronger relationship between them. To get them to know each other even better and to help each other grow.

2 is to heal themselves individually

– this is the most practical way to approach things. For both of them to heal as individuals. Healing is one way of rejuvenating the spirit. Whenever they’re both ready, they could both fall in love with each other again, or simply find new love with at least knowing that they now have something to give to the next person.

Either ways, I’m still trying to find the best solution to make John feel better. He was suffering this year which totally affected everyone around him and yet this one came. It only devastated him all the more.

“John… How can I help you mend?” I earnestly ask…

“I just wish to have things better for the both of us.” He said

Now I know he sounds pretty pathetic no matter how you see it. Yet I totally understand how he feels. The fact alone that he was the one who was at the breaking end of the break up. He received the punch to the gut and believe me, it isn’t a pretty feeling to be there. This will really take time for him to get over things even if he tries to divert his mind off these…

But if you were to ask me. This guy’s going psycho. That’s why I wish to help him anyway I can. There’s still the “good guy John” inside him waiting to come out. It’s only a matter of tapping the right buttons to let him be that guy again.

“I feel guilty… I feel like I have wronged her so much…” He says.

“Well John, have you asked for her forgiveness?”

“Yes I tried… But she seems to be bitter towards me…”

“Then you did your part well… You admitted your own mistake and now know what to fix in your life.”

“But it feels really bad to have someone bitter towards you…”

“That my friend, is up to her if she could forgive you. As long as you know you were wrong, and that you’re willing to challenge yourself to become Mister Right again. You are on the right track. Women need time to heal.”

“But she says that she’s okay now.”

“Being bitter towards someone is never okay. It leads to ignoring and cutting communication from you and that only means that she still isn’t ready to forgive you. You stood up doing the right thing and apologizing and I believe that is enough.”

“I still love her you know…”

“We all love each other my friend… but you’ll have to learn to love yourself first and to embody that love to others who may need it as well. Your remaining friends, family and everybody around you. They need it man. Trust me.”

“I’ll try…”

“Trying is the least for of commitment my friend, learn to say the words whatever it takes. It means never giving up until you get what you vowed for.”

[silence]

I continued…

“Cyra is a chapter in your life man… She’s the angel you thought you had until you lost her. I know it sucks with utmost shittyness… But that’s how it rolls brother. You’ve lost yourself and I believe all she wanted is for you to find yourself again. Be the great guy you once were John. She’s not the the end but the beginning of a better you. Don’t forget to thank her along the way. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, when someone throws rocks or dirt at you, you give back bread. Stay in the right. Man up and take up the golden sword this time around”

The young man then nodded in approval. Somehow I saw his spirit lifted up, though I know his grief still chains him to the core. Yet some day… I know all these will pass and he’ll be the great man I once knew. Right now he may try to fake things. To cover up whatever it is he hides. But later on… things will rise to the surface, and that’s something I’ve learned through his experience.
I wish to encourage the young man to be honest with what he feels rather than worry about being how pathetic he sounds. If it helps heal him. Then I don’t give a damn about it.

~Truly yours…
Conscience