Imagination's the limit…

Posts tagged “spirituality

Valkyrie – War Maidens Teaseract

It’s been 10 long years since the Dragonborn disappeared in the ashes of Helgen after a vicious attack from the Dragon Alduin. Bound for execution, she was believed to have died scorched by the inferno that raised the helpless town to the ground. Little be known that the flames could only do so little to kill her fiery spirit. As Dovakin, she rose from the ashes and with her, a new order, The Valkyries of Tamriel. 

EP 1 - War Maidens CoverOkay, so I must embarrassingly admit that it took me a year before I could post something up this Blogspace. *sigh* Been caught up with a lot of things lately. From working two jobs day and night, to working on my own personal business, not to mention playing the stock market… You could literally say I’ve been killing myself for the whole year. hahaha

Anyhow God’s been really great to me by far. Fixed some personal troubles from family, to finances, to broken relationships. He’s given me a second chance at life and it’s never been better!  I realized that it was my responsibility to mend the troubles going on around me. I was the missing key and the only reason these troubles were going on was because I turned my back on them. I usually run away from anything that bothers me. Yet through my experiences at work and business and avid gaming and bible reading, I realized you NEVER turn your back on your troubles. As matter in fact! You face them!

It sucks to realize that a little bit later in life but hey! It’s never too late! And with that… I can surely smell success close by… no kidding man! hahaha

As for love life? uhh… hmmm.. eeehhh… fine! It’s an embarrassing zero! Nil! Nada! Pffft! Naaah! Just kidding! I didn’t jump into one yet because I knew I’d be investing most of my time career-wise. It wouldn’t be fair for the lady if I wouldn’t make time for her whoever she is. I just believe she deserves to be treated right with the affection and care a woman normally needs.

Although I won’t deny I have my eyes bewitched by one gal and one gal only. Celia. Yeap, you heard me right. That time I decided to ask her out was the time I decided to shut my doors from anyone else and as the One-Woman guy that I am… here I am… Transfixed on a wishful dream. hahaha

Seriously man, I personally wanna build myself up to be the right man whether it be for her or whoever God has in store for me. I just want her to have the best of my y’know (shocks! so cheesy! hahaha). Yet since I am so entranced by her, that lead me into making one of this fictional stories that… as I said earlier, “a dream that only I know.” hahahaha poor me… hahaha

So now you know the story of what lead me into writing this fan-made non-canon story. I’ve been playing a lot of Skyrim during my free time so this idea came in. This one would be dedicated to her though (amazing what inspiration could do to you… ahhhhh <3_<3).

The story revolves around this girl named “Celina.” She is known to be the dragonborn or the dovakiin or in simpler terms, dragon whisperer. Experience adventure with her as she travels the province of Skyrim where she’d meet several other interesting characters who’d eventually form the Valkyrie Order. I won’t spoil you guys on her back story though. I’ll leave that for the comic strips to tell.

As for now… lemme just post some photos to tease you guys. :))

Comic TestThe story would be told in semi-comic strip style so expect lots of images on the “e-book.” (called it e-book because I couldn’t publish it as a real book… besides, this is all just for fun, non-profit stuff.)
Test 2

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So that’s about it I could show you guys for now. hehe Now wait till the whole comic is done! *evil laugh* muhahahaha

Just kidding! I’ll be posting the whole comic here anyways so stay tune! 😉

PS – Credits for the cover photo goes to the respectful owner. Sorry I don’t know his/her name but if you find it in my blog and you know it’s yours! Credits goes to you mate! 🙂
All materials used belongs to Bethesda Studios as well. 🙂

EP 1 - War Maidens Cover

 

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Angels In Disguise

Angels come close at times when you least expect it. Believe me, I’ve been there. Amidst the sex, drugs and metal lifestyle I once had, I Dave Murdoc, vocalist of the metal group Ashtray, can earnestly testify that there are those watching over you. And no matter how fucked up your life can be, heaven’s got a way out for every shit you’ve been. This is my story…

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There’s no other way to express yourself to the world the way music does. For some, it is an expression. For others, it is a hobby. For some, it’s a retarded way to make a living. I for once fall under all those. I remembered starving whenever we never had a gig. Me and the guys would simply get to practice with aching stomachs. No gig means no cash. And that was our life back then. Survival depended on the gigs we made.

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Fortune surely does favor the bold. After all the hardwork and sleepless nights. After getting our asses kicked out of several apartments for not paying the rent. After starving ourselves before a gig. Everything seemed worth it. We nailed a record deal with one of the starting recording companies in town. Finally, we were able to make a couple of bucks out of the music we do.

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Oh, speaking of music, I forgot to tell you guys that we, Ashtray, are a five man heavy metal band. Our music usually speaks of the anger, hate, rage, and sex. All of which were our way of coping with all the bullshit this world’s gotta offer. In other words, our lyrics were about how much pain we’ve endured and what we did to deal with it. Let’s face it… we all know life’s full of shit and you don’t face it looking pretty. You face it with attitude. Let life know that it just can’t step on you like shit. Most say life’s a bitch, so we all just gotta fuck it. I’d say damn straight!

Anyway, Ashtray slowly emerged to be a successful metal band. I tell you, earning our first few millions was like winning the lottery. We never knew were to spend the money. We wasted it knowing that as long as we’ve got fans and listeners, it’ll just keep pouring into our pockets.

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Money wasn’t a problem. The only problem about it is where to spend it? We did a lot of crazy things back in the day. I turned into an adulterer. I lost my senses and fell into addiction. I couldn’t stop my vices. For me, sex and drugs and metal were the only things in my head at the time. I even joined the cult out of random mindless thought. Never new what it was, it just felt good. I felt happy. Fulfilled. It’s what we’ve all been working so hard for right? To become rich and famous, enjoying what we do; music.

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A producer from our cult came up to me and started suggesting to change our lyrics for the next record. It should be in praises of ourselves for accomplishing all these. To tell everybody how you and only you can move your ass out of the shit-hole you currently are in right now.

Everything went on. Perfect. Smooth. We were off the charts. Earning billions out of every record we sold. I wasn’t missing anything. I had every woman I could get my hands on. Everything I ever wanted. I can do everything when I want to and where I want to. I was the happiest motherfucker in the world.

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One day, Phil, our guitar player came up to me. He looked rather frustrated and wasted. I simply thought he was just out of drugs and he needed another fix. So I offered him some of mine. He shrugged it aside, took a chair and sat right in front of me.

“What’s up man? You look like shit today.” I said.

I saw tears running down his cheeks, he was saddened. Grieving. I don’t know how to deal with this sort of crap.

but then he muttered.

“Ivan’s dead”

A moment of silence filled the room. It was deafening. I couldn’t seem to take in such bullshit. Ivan’s one of the closest mates I’ve had on the team. Our one and only bass player. A fucking brutal prick but a brother non-the-less.

“Dave!” Phil said, “Ivan’s DEAD! he overdosed.”

I remember smashing the television set that day. Flipping over chairs and tables in rage. I yelled and cursed expressing every anger I had inside.

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I mean think of it? We starved together. We got booted out of several apartments together. All five of us were a team, a family. It was all too much for me to accept that a brother had passed. I was depressed. Angered. Infuriated. I did more and more drugs. Drank booze. Fucked all day. I’ve literally gone insane!

Days, weeks, and months came to pass… we found ourselves a new bassist just to continue on the fire we had. Though it will never be the same without Ivan, our new bassist Mark brought a different darker sound into the table. We were one unstoppable brutal machine.

We toured over and around the country. Playing from state to state, show after show. Until one night, I went out to take in some fresh air. I strolled along the park a few blocks away from the hotel, puffing some smoke and then right there, I saw a little orphan girl. She was lying by the park bench all curled up. Her clothes seemed tattered and ragged. She was all dirty and all. And definitely I knew she’s hungry. She woke up and stood as soon as she scented the smell of smoke around me. She looked up to me with pity eyes and lifted her hand. I wanted to shrug her off and tell her that I had no cash or better yet, nothing to offer. I was still angry that night. After all that’s been happening, the least thing I had that night was mercy. If it were just me, I would have shoved my boot straight into her face.

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But something came in to me that night. Though she did a begging gesture towards me, she wasn’t actually begging. Instead, there was something in her hand. She was actually trying to give me some thing. I drew closer to have a look. I was curious. I felt like a child again. Ignorant.

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Then I saw it in her hand. A locket. It had a picture of her and her family. Her parents. Senses came into me. She was an orphan. That night I felt warm hands embracing my own cold heart. With those innocent blue eyes looking up to you, who wouldn’t melt in the presence of her fragile innocence?

It was the first time I felt weak. The first time I trembled into submission. I drew close to her, fell on one knee and asked, “What’s your name? Where do you live?”

“Sarah” She said with a sway from left to right. She seemed shy.

“I don’t have a home.” She replied. After a little scratch on one eye she continued, “I live here for now, I sleep over there near the fountain.”

She took me by the hand and dragged me towards the fountain. Now I’m not a religious man, nor did I ever believe in a god but something about that place felt spiritual; magical. I felt calm; at peace. Serenity enveloped my very soul. I felt things that I thought I would never have felt. Seeing the beautiful dimmed park lights, hearing the sound of flowing water coming from the fountain. I realized that sometimes, the simplest things in life are the most rewarding to have. Most of us take these things for granted in our quest to achieve more, but nothing beats simplicity. I realized that day that simplicity was beauty at it’s best.

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And if there’s one thing I felt, it was the feeling like I’m never the only one grieving in this world. I’m never the only one who’s experienced losses and pain. Surreal.

There’s always someone less than me and for that there are things that I should be grateful for.

I knelt down again in front of the little girl and gave her a hug. For the first time in my fuckin life tears started rolling down my cheeks.

“Would you want to come home with me?”

Now that seemed like a stupid statement I made. What would my buddies think? I’ve gone pedophile? Gay? What happened to the baddest motherfucker in the band? But I cared less about what they think. If there’s one thing I decided that day, it’s to live for Sarah. To raise her up as one of my own. I don’t really know what it feels like to be a dad but she needed one. And I don’t really know what’s gotten into me but I was willing to be that man for her.

To be her role model. To be her provider. To be her dad.

Time passed. I slowly introduced her to the guys as days gone by. What amazed me was that, they weren’t that skeptical about it either. They embraced her as one of us. Funny huh? Five brutal metal heads being a dad to one innocent little girl. Yes! it does sound pretty gay man. But it gave us all a direction. Something to live for.

I lived well. Quit my vices and even started doing my best to be the best role model for her.

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It was a Friday night and Hammerfest has begun. Now Hammerfest is the title of our concert that night. The crowd was wild. The people were insane. We played our top songs which the crowd loved. It was heavy. Booze was everywhere. There was even a fuckin moshpit in the crowd. We had fun really. Yet before our last song.

I went backstage. After a few minutes, I came back with me carrying Sarah with one arm. I walked towards
the mic and said…

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“We all experience shit in our lives. Some of them unbearable. Some we may never recover from….”

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“I’m no different from you guys. We’re all the same. What differs now is that I’ve found the purpose of my own existence. And she’s right here… My daughter Sarah.”

~music starts playing in the background~

“I dedicate this song to her…”

The crowd went silent. I bet they’re finding it really weird for a heavy metal band like us playing something sentimental as that song…
I never cared… Sarah meant the world to me and that’s what’s important.

I wasn’t expecting the crowd to be happy bout it. But little did I know, the people loved it. They were singing along enjoying the song. I? I sang it with all my heart… For Sarah.

A few weeks later after that awesome concert. I brought Sarah to a toy store. I promised to buy her that favorite doll of hers. I waited by the counter while I watch her disappear into the shelves full of toys to get her prize.

“Hello, how may I help you?” a beautiful young lady approached me with a smile.

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She was tall, sleek and poised. I was bedazzled by her presence. Her long straight hair, beautiful smile and pleasing ambiance got my knees shaking. Good thing I thought of getting myself a haircut, thanks to Sarah of course.

I was tongue-tied for a couple of minutes. I stood there staring blankly at her. She had her name printed on her nameplate. Layla Rosedale. 

“Are you alright sir?”

I snapped out of my thoughts. I couldn’t think of anything else but reach out my hand in good gesture and introduce myself.

“Hi, I’m Dave Murdoc, You are?”

Pretending to be dumb seem like the smartest thing I could do.

“Layla,” she replied… “Layla Rosedale”

Before I could utter another word…

“Daddy Daddy!” Sarah yelled out from a distance. “I want this! I want this!”

She ran up to me to show me the toy in her hand.

“Oh is she your daughter? She’s really lovely.” Layla said in compliment.

“Indeed she is, she means a lot to me.” I replied.

“I bet her mother’s really lovely too.”

Speaking of which, Sarah doesn’t have a mother. I’ve been her single guardian or better yet her only foster parent. I believe she’s gonna need one and soon.

“Well she doesn’t have a mother, honestly she’s an orphan and I took her in to my care. Although I would really appreciate it if you’d help me with the mother part.”

She giggled. A sweet sound to my ears.  Euphoric. But that was a pretty quick move. Hope it goes smooth though. Oh well…

“Well, I’ll see what I can do.” she replied with a smile.

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~END~

Credits go to the rightful owners of the elements used in this write-up. This is a fictional story made by DizCyple.


Earthly Heaven

A gust of wind brushed through her hair as she walked by the shore line. With the ambient sound of the waves, she heard utmost silence. Magic filled the night sky as the eve went on. Nothing could compare to that ample time of solitude. She closed her eyes, chuckled and let out a breath of whisper, “I wish you were here.”
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I haven’t said much, nor do I have anything else to say. Random thoughts and words just come out to play. My feeble mind tells me things at random. I know it is somehow important to keep my thoughts intact, but I can’t seem to get my mind right and I wonder why.

Cross, yeah, that’s my name. Angel Cross it is. I’ve been wondering these city streets almost all my life now ever since I got here. I’ve seen much to the point where I could tell stories of such. Stories of life. Stories of death. Stories of joy. Stories of sorrow. Each and every person has a story to tell. Each person has their own share of grief and misery. Even happiness and excitement. I guess that’s what you call life. Beautiful, just like the city lights.

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Yet if there’s one thing I’ve realized, everything you do comes back to you. Everything around us is energy. An equal amount of negative and positive. Whatever you do unto others comes back to you.

Let me guess… You’ve heard of that crap already? Golden rule? Karma?

Some say it’s true, some say it’s bullshit. I say it’s both. Because the truth can also be full of shit some times. Although that my dearest, depends on how we view things in life. Some embrace the truth, others shun it. I hold a mixture of both.

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Why? You ask my love?

I prefer to see things in different perspectives. From what is good down to what went wrong. I want to hear both sides of the story. To know the truth from different points of view.

I understand your concern dear. Your care. Yet I assure you my love, I hold the decision to my own confusion. They say life is a game made up of the choices we make. We become lonely and sad because we choose to be. We become happy and fun because we decided to be. We don’t have time because we don’t make time. It all falls down to us then again.

So whenever you’re sad… whenever you feel like I’m not around. I want you to know that you don’t have to feel so bad. Cheer up! I’ve got your back! Happiness is not found within you but within others as well. The more you try to find it in you, the more you’ll end up disappointed. Find joy in the happiness of others my love. With that you’ll find satisfaction and content with this borrowed time of ours. Accept things as they are and you’ll realize that you have all you need.

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As for love… do not awaken it until it so desires my beloved. Stay still and let it come when the time is right.

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I apologize for your loss my dear. We’ve been truly living in this borrowed time.

Remember that time at the pub? You sweetly whispered into my ear begging me to take you to that beautiful paradise. How could I refuse? Your sweet kissable lips touching my ears. Your soft angelic voice. The tender touch of your hand to mine. The aroma of your delicate scent. The curls on your wavy hair.

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My dear… your are my heaven on earth.

and I promise to take you here… a place better than that paradise I promised you. Some day… when the time is right.

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She then opened her eyes and took a deep breath. She genuinely smiled as her gaze affixed towards the horizon. 

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 She sat on the sand, took out a stick and drew a circle around her. She took out a black book and started chanting words no one understands. The heavens opened up and a flash of lightning cracked through the sky. A roar of thunder followed, then the voices in her seemed to have disappeared. 

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“My love”, She said, “Let me be the one to bring you back to our earthly heaven.”

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~FiN~


Cyra (Part 1)

And so she said goodbye… the phone went silent… and I was left alone in my dark room again. The cold night embraced me with its freezing arms as I tried to slumber away to my dreams. The thought of not seeing her, the thought of my own faults and guilt haunts me and I can’t sleep, unable to forgive myself for the pain I have brought upon her. It is gonna be a long long week…

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“Good morning!” I greeted her through a text that Sunday morning. There was no reply. I didn’t bother though coz I knew she may be still in bed resting. “Was I just too stubborn for her? For wanting to see her yesterday?” I thought to myself. Things were getting pretty tough for me the past week. I just wanted my life to end back then. I felt like I’ve got no purpose, no life, no soul.

I didn’t want to think of it. It’ll set me out of focus. Hurt me. Kill me inside. Besides, I was going to church that morning. I needed to be in tip-top shape for the Lord. To be spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically present for Him. It was the only thing I could offer right now.

The youth fellowship gathering followed after the service. Our youth leader who happens to be one of my good friends now noticed my exhausted look and approached me. She was about my height with heels, about a year older than me, round brown eyes, straight dark brown hair and sleek poise. “Hey Edd! Why so gloomy?” She asked

“Hey Apple…” I replied sounding like the annoying orange… well I did sound more like the gloomy orange than the annoying one. Then I continued… “Well… remember when I told you about her?”

“Yeah?” she replied with concern… A praise marathon was held last Friday and she was the one who invite me in it. I went along just to take my mind off of things and so I told her along with another girl named Hannah all my hurts. Besides, she insisted that I tell her anyway…

“Well… It’s about that girl that I care about… ” I gave it a sigh then continued. “I tried to meet her yesterday to talk to her about how to go on peaceful terms between the both of us where I wouldn’t have to annoy her much and where I wouldn’t be hurting anymore.”

And so I went on explaining what happened…

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It was Saturday and Cyra was at school for her thesis defense. I asked her to tell me if she was done so I may fetch her after school. It was because I wanted to talk to her about what I had in mind. To make it easy for the both of us at least. With all the fuzz that’s going on between us, I knew it was right to settle things right. Her class ended, and so I left home to fetch her. I came to school and waited for her outside.

I’m outside school… Be waiting for ya 🙂

I texted…

My phone’s text alert suddenly beeped as my phone vibrated inside my pocket.

We left already Edd… Sorry… 😦

It struck me. So I called…

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The phone rang… a few long ringing over the line felt like forever. My heart was pounding, my palms were sweaty, my head ached. I was going through so much to think straight but I gave her my word.

“Hello?” a sweet angelic voice answered over the other line.

I felt euphoric for a couple of minutes. My heart beat raised. I felt soft. Melted. Serene.

I was speechless for a while there. Then I replied. “Hi! were are you guys? I thought I’ll be fetching you?”

“We’re headed to Ayala now, Kev’s gonna drop us off there.”

“Alright, I’ll go to Ayala to meet up with you. See yah and Take care!”

I sensed her hesitance for me to come. But I was determined. I wanted to speak with her. To talk to her. At least to spend just a few moments of time with her. So I went on my way to Ayala.

As I came to the Mall. My friend Kevin sent me a text message

Edd… I dropped them off in Ayala Mall now…

I replied to thank him. Then I text Cyra where she was by then. She said they were in Gerry’s Grill. And so I went.

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I knew I was gonna get a sucker punch through the heart if I went on but I didn’t mind. I wanted to see her so badly, and to make things right. To tell her what I had in mind but then when we met. She was with my two other pals eating dinner. I was hesitant to approach but I was there anyway and so I went on. What else could I possibly do? I couldn’t turn back! No! I wanted to see her so badly at least to talk to her. So I approached.

“Hi” I said with an awkward hand wave

“I thought you went on home?” she replied she stood up and guided me to a corner for us to talk.

“So what is it you wanted to talk about?”

I saw that she was enjoying her time with friends and my intervention was pestering her. My head ached, I was sweating, my eyes were heavy, my tears were about to fall but I held it all in.

“It’s nothing… I want to talk to you about it if you have the time.”

“Alright… so… where’ll you go now?”

I don’t know what went into my mind…

I just said “Probably be on my way home…”

and so she went back to her friends and left me in tears. I wanted to talk to her. What are you doing stupid?! Text Her! But… Text Her!!!

and so I sent a text. Cy… I really wish to take you home… Please let me? I’ll wait…

silence…

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Though it felt like silence to my ears… I could hear nothing but the pounding of my heart and the blood rushing to my head. The tear drops that fell from my eyes that night were somewhat audible to me. Those little details was all I could hear that night.

Then my phone beeped.

I’m sorry Edd… I wish to be alone right now… I hope you understand…

Alright Cyra… I understand… Anything for you…

I slid my phone back to my pocket as I went on crying. It’s not likely for men to cry, but I didn’t care if I looked ridiculous. It felt better inside. But the hurt was eating me alive. It was burning me. I felt cold and dead. Alone and afraid.

I took my phone out… and text her.

I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you ssssssssssssssssssssssssoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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The crushing feeling of emptiness and heart break consumed me. I lay down in the ledge of the park’s fountain breathless. People were staring at me thinking that I must have gone insane. I have! I can’t breathe. Someone offered to bring me to the hospital but I wanted to be left alone. Then suddenly, my phone rang. It was James, my classmate/office-mate.

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Hey Edd, RR’s celebrating his birthday today… come to moon cafe… 

I wiped the tears off my cheeks and cleared my throat. I tried to regain my poise and look descent at least.

The celebration was fun at least. I remembered what Cyra told me. About enjoying my personal space for the mean time. As a matter in fact, I did that night. We went on to eat ice cream and watch a movie. And all the hurt I felt was just simply washed away in a snap. It’s really amazing how God could send angels your way especially when He knows you need it the most. Everything just lightened up and felt peaceful again. My head still hurt but my heart wasn’t pounding anymore.

As I was on my way home… I texted Cyra…

Cy…

Ed… she replied.

How are you? 🙂 

I’m fine. I had fun with friends earlier. How bout you? I’m sorry bout earlier by the way. I hope you understand.

I’m so glad you had fun Cyra… It really makes me happy to know that… by the way about earlier… it’s fine… I totally understand… The pain went away when you said you had fun.

It really did…

You know… I don’t wanna be mean to you or hurt you Edd… but I want us to have our own personal space. What you’re doing is pushing me away instead of winning me back.

Well Cy… That’s what I actually wanted to talk to you about… I wanted to explain things and settle things right. To be frank, you’ve said exactly the same words I wanted to tell you. You just didn’t give me the chance to.

Honestly… You were really brutal earlier… ~I texted

That’s why I’m saying sorry coz I know I was just too harsh. I was trying to call you when I got home but I couldn’t reach you.

It’s fine Cy… I totally understand. So cheer up k? 🙂 By the way… I was in the movie house earlier and I guess there was just no signal there. May I call you when I get home then?

Yes, sure! What movie did you watch by the way? Who were you with?

I felt a sense of her care… of her love. I know I’m still inside her heart somewhere. I just need to let her feel it again. Not as a painful memory, but as something that may help her mend. That’s the reason why I wanted to talk to her. To listen to her more. To let her express what she deeply feels inside. What she’s going through. We had that in our relationship before. But we lost it when we lost time for each other. Yet the bigger fault falls on me. For taking her for granted. I couldn’t forgive myself for it. I hate myself for it. But there’s no point. I’ve lost her. Self pity won’t help me this time. I’d rather focus on winning her heart back rather than staying in the shadows crying. And so I replied…

I’ll tell you everything when I get to call you later… 🙂

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“Hello Cy” I uttered as I called her

“Hello Edd” She replied “I’m sorry about earlier… I hope you’d understand…”

“It’s alright Cyra… I understand… If this is the best way to show you that I love you then I’d gladly give you your personal space.”

“I don’t know how could I ever take such a beating from you Cy… I don’t know if ever other guys could do the same. I’m still holding on to you and I’m never giving up in winning your heart. I meant it when I said I love you always and I swear I still do.”

~silence~

“But Cy… You said you wanted us to be friends for the time being… yet honestly I feel like trash through the way you reply to me.”

“It’s actually how I really reply to people. Probably you aren’t just used to me not being sweet to you and all. Besides, I text you if I am not busy.” she uttered.

“Well yes… but come to look at it. Whenever I text you, you usually don’t reply anymore and I always wait for your reply. It leaves me hanging whenever you don’t reply back. You could’ve at least just told me that you’ll do something, or that you’re busy or something. It would have been easier for me to understand”

~Silence

“Well this is what I also wanted to talk to you about earlier Cy. Its about giving you the space you need. Why don’t we just settle for at least a day where we could just fully text and talk to each other? 🙂 And since you’re the lady… you get to pick the day. :D”

“Sunday would be great!” ~she replied in agreement.

“Alright… Sunday it is then… so for the rest of the week… you wouldn’t be hearing from me… ” i responded to seal the deal.

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“Well you could always text me anytime if you need me.” she said.

“That’d be great Cy… Thank you! Please don’t hesitate to do the same if you need me too k? I’ll be here waiting on you ready to come if you need me.”

“Okay Edd… Thank you too… I will…”

We then talked that night about the movie and how things had gone that day… I was in cloud 9 that night. Hearing her voice again. Her sweet giggles. Imagining her was just heavenly for me. As her voice whispered to my ears through the phone speaker, I felt butterflies fluttering around my stomach. I felt at peace. Contented. In love. Unfortunately, time flies when you’re enjoying the moment. We had to say our good nights and good byes… I gave her an invisible kiss and I bet she doesn’t know. Then I ended by telling her that I love her still.

I lay in my bed that night with a smile and a light heart… thanking God for what a day I’ve been through… for Cyra and for knowing that…

At least the following day was a Sunday… 🙂

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[to be continued]


Surviving the day…

My little love story has ended… but are the curtains really closed? Is her heart closed? will she love me again? I am in hurt but not in doubt… I know she did this for a reason… out of love…

My dearest Angel Cyra… heaven sent and blessed me with… grows prettier each day. I couldn’t imagine her more blooming and enlightened this way. Y’know… this is why I still care… this why I still love… She’s an amazing woman… The best I’ve seen. Nothing can compare to the beauty she has in my eyes.

Life must have ups and downs. Twist and turns and a lot of drivel I suppose. But it’s getting back up that counts the most. It’s rising to your feet and looking back up again to get through the day that matters. Right now my heart still burns. I’m dying inside knowing she’s no longer by my side.  My little piece of heaven slowly fading away. Sometimes I pray to God to just rip these emotions apart coz it’s devastating me. Killing me inside.

It’s not easy y’know… to let someone go… especially the one you cared for so much. Sometimes I wonder if it was easy for her to let me go? Did she really mean everything she said to me? Every word? That’s the problem there… The person whom I’m asking trust from is also the person I don’t trust. Out of fear? Out of possible regret? Perhaps yes… These thoughts crossed my mind a lot. Acknowledging all these now is proof that I’ve learned with my mistakes.

I just hope I got the chance to settle it right with her. Back when we were one. Back when we had love. Back when she cared.

My insanity is getting the best of me. It’s through writing these things that helps keep me at bay. I pray that it doesn’t break me apart. I wasn’t joking when I said I’m considering suicide as an option.

But I mustn’t. It wouldn’t prove anything. If I really love her… I should show her that I still do… That she deserves me again. How? Through little sweet things perhaps… through showing that I still care. Showing that I’m growing. How long would it take? That I have no answer to. Only God has. And it’ll be answered through her. Or through something else perhaps.

A very strong woman she really is. And I admire every single bit of her personality. Her sweet talking is the most captivating moment I could remember from her. I remember how cute she looks when she wants something from me. How cuddling she could be when she surprises you. The sweetness of her kiss when she opens the gate for me whenever I visit.

Aaah… I will get there again someday. Not with anyone else but her. Please Cyra… With all my heart, Will you have me back? Will you make me the luckiest guy again? who won your heart. I’m hanging on a thread here and yes I know it hurts. Besides, love and pain are two side of the same coin. These consequences were bestowed upon me ever since the first time I thought of courting her. I knew things like these would happen. But she’s for some reason… God-given.

My refusal to believe left me to this current state I am in. I didn’t want to believe in Him. That everything was in accordance to His own accord. It was my way, my life, my decisions, my own understandings and myself that mattered to me. How have I become like this? It’s not because of her… It’s because of me… I chose to lose Him.

Nobody was there to keep things from breaking apart. Truth be told, sometimes heaven just simply wants us to watch our own lives crumble to help us rebuild again. It is through death that we live again. It is through break-ups that I can court her again. Really amazing discovery and insights there. Especially now that everything’s making sense.

Cyra does love me. She said it herself. As a friend? I think no… I’m positive I’m still alive in her heart. She’s making the biggest sacrifice to build me up again. Coz she loves me. She wants me to grow.

How I wish breaking-up didn’t have to be the answer. But sometimes pain is a good teacher. And she used it well to teach me this. And now that I’ve learned. I shall apply it in winning her heart back.

Why can’t I? I’ve got nothing to lose again. I have nothing on my hands this time around.

Cyra… my dearest Cyra… I will win your heart. I’ll be your champion. I’ll be your companion, your sir, your knight.

My chivalry died when I lost my faith. The way a crusader dies in battle without the cross. Spirituality is everything to me. Knowing that God lives is the reason I exist. Apart from Him I am nothing. OF COURSE!!! How the hell could I love her if I lost Him? It was Him who taught me to love her in the first place. That’s why everything fell apart. No one was there to keep us in tact.

You know… I’ve learned to value the limited time I have to communicate with her now. Just a few texts for a couple of minutes feels like having butterflies in my stomach all over again. Waiting for her reply makes me a puppy waiting for a chew-bone. It tickles me whenever I hear my phone’s text alert, knowing that the incoming message is from her. Its courtship all over again. Awwwe. Yes I will look my best. Yes I will woo her. Yes I’ll give her the sweetest talks I could give just to have her. Only this time, once I got her heart again, consistency’s a must now. I want her to fall in love over and over again with me and I in her. Every single day. Oh how much I loved those days when I still knew how to love her. Everyday was just like heavenly and serene to me. Amazing is it not? How one person changes your life? The realization that God is most important in my relationship opened my eyes to see what has gone wrong.

Cyra’s one of a kind type of girl. Irreplaceable. Incomparable.  And boy was I mistaken when I thought she’s easy to get. She’s one hell of a catch. A rare find. Priceless. God knew how to fix me and He used her to do it.

My heart melts away knowing how much of a blessing she really is in my life. I know this next time of mine may come… and when that time comes, I know what to do. I know where to go. I know how to handle it better now.

All these reflections make me better. Wiser. A changed person. Now all I need is the proof to show her how much I could change just to win her again. Less talk more action this time. To prove to her she means a lot to me.

I remember telling her that I am more inspired when I am broken. For some reason, its just half true now. Now that I am back to Him. I find joy in every single thing I do. I find joy knowing she’s happy. I find joy in giving. I find joy in life. Sorrow, grief, anger, worries, sadness, hate, resent, rage just simply got washed away overnight. This is why I love God. After all the things I’ve said against Him. Spat at Him. Hated Him. Cursed Him. Defiled Him. He came back to save me. He got me up on my feet.

This amazing experience is something I wish to share to her. I… I just wanted so much to share such positive energy that I have to her. It’s always been that way back then. Anything I know, I did, and want to do… I share it with her. She knew me a lot. Maybe the reason this happened. I didn’t regret it.

Cyra… remember that time when I told you to tell me if I’m going out of my way? If I’m drifting apart? I understand now that this is your way of doing it. THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH DEAR! This time love… If ever I get you back… I won’t hold you back anymore… I’ll support you and cheer for you the same way you did for me… :’) 

See how lucky I am? See now why she’s God-given? Why she’s irreplaceable? Why she’s amazing? Why I’ve deeply fallen for her? She’s my life partner… My best buddy… My love…

The complete package!

All the more reason why I shouldn’t give up winning her back!

I have hope… I have love… I’ll be patient… I’ll persevere…

for her…

Not on my own… Not alone…

But through the Almighty…

I love you Cyra! 🙂 Thank you! 😀