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Posts tagged “Thank

Better Than 50 Shades of Grey

There she was, at the corner of my eyes as I entered that dark room. The seductress. What is it? Love? Lust? Desire? The burning passion that rushed through my veins. My heart was beating; fast. Craving for her seduction, her beauty, her touch.

The epitome of sin.

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“Sarah G Gibson”

She was right there in front of me, sitting under a beam of light. Her sleek, smooth curves, wrapped with tight leather. Etching every sweet spot of her body. Hmm… aroused me. The devil’s beauty as some call it. Would you even care? When a beautiful thing like that is right in front of you?

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She was calling for me. She wanted me…

I approached her. Caressed her from her neck down to her lower parts. She made no reaction. Lifeless. Never deterred me from trying harder.

I sat behind, slowly started unzipping her. Exposing the neck, I couldn’t help but start kissing her there. She started to feel that sensation, I can tell through those vibrations. Turned around to face me. Each time we touched felt euphoric.

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Submissive. My kind of girl. I carried on unzipping her, leaving her close to naked.  I tapped into her G-string, slowly sliding my finger down to the right spot. It aroused her. The more I did the more she makes that sort of sound that makes you crave for more.

I turned her on. She reciprocated. She strapped her arms around me. I played with her then. Toyed with her. My fingers were dancing across her G-spot. Then I played the lick on her. She craves for it most when I do a licking. She couldn’t help but make those aroused sounds that she usually does. She was enjoying it, I could tell. So did I.

It was time I shifted our ritual into overdrive. I made her bend over. Then I plugged it in her. The sensation was getting warmer. Love? Hell yeah! I twisted those little nobs of hers to get the right feel, arousing her more. She loved it!

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I rocked her through and fro, keeping a certain rhythm. I loved doing it standing behind her. It helps me keep the rhythm going. The excitement, the burning sensation. I pushed my stick deeper. She made this wailing sound of sweet satisfaction. I knew I hit the right spot.

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She wanted more! I had to give in. Stroking her the right way kept her excited. Alive. The beauty that she is. Her moaning was music to my ears. I shifted positions with her. We did it all over the room. Sitting. Standing. On the bed. It was heaven. A ka-metal-sutra.

I was sweating so much but I couldn’t stop. The euphoric feeling you get out of it was addictive. The connection we had was deep. We carried on until everything intensified. I gave it my all. My emotions. My desires. It went on and on and on until…

I gave in…

It was over…

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I was panting, sweaty… exhausted… I lay on the bed with sweat dripping all over me. She lay right beside me. I closed my eyes and everything went dark.

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I woke the following day, saw her right beside me. I looked at the label across her head quoting “Gibson SG.” 

I picked her up, unplugged the cables, turned the amp off, detuned her and placed her back into her case.

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The Reflection

Yes… The break up finally came… And there was no stopping it… Nothing I could do to save us… To make it live.

For some reason I know it was the best for both of us, yet my heart refuses to let her go even when she’s gone.

I was the one in wrong this time, and my actions lead me to a point of no return. Is it all worth it?


In fact it was… worth every single time I’ve spent, every joy and laughter, every sorrow and pain… I grew… I learned… I realized…

But it was too late. She’s grown weary and cold for me. I even doubt if she still needs me. After all I’ve put her through. I guess I deserved it. My heart pounds so much, it burns that I can’t breathe. Oh how I wish I was given this chance to make it right again. I want to love her and her to love me back again not as friends but as sweet lovers… but how could we? We’re broken…

I pray that God heals us both. Healing needs time yet in time I also do fear that we slowly drift away. A possibility that breaks my heart more and more. I want to tell her how sorry I am. How much I would like to make her feel better. To love all her hurt away. But I am her hurts, I am her pain, her sorrow. With me around she dies. How selfish of me…

She is my little piece of heaven… and now that she’s gone… my world crumbled with it. I just thought we would last a life time… but I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t and she deserved better. If I really love her, I’ll just have to set her free. To be what she wants to be and to have what she deserves. As for me, I’m left alone in the dark again… no hope… no life… in agony… in pain… in misery… in sorrow…

With her around that all changed. I felt happier, but… through my happiness I’ve taken her for granted. I’ve neglected everything and everyone dear. No! it’s not because of my happiness that’s the reason… But of past pains and hurts. I dwelt into the past. And came back with pain. These pains affected every single one around me. ESPECIALLY HER! Now that I’ve lost everything… My band, my girl, my friends… What is there left for me then? Death? Suicide? I’m considering those an option…

Every hour feels like a day… and days feel like weeks… Weeks will turn into months and months will turn into years. By that time could she have already healed? or would she find someone else? I fear that so much, but I can’t, she’s not mine anymore.

I love her… I always have… am I gonna give up this easily?

NO!!! I WILL NOT!!!

I will win her heart back! No matter what it takes!

There are so many girls out there… So many prettier, smarter, sexy, and all. So why can’t I just let her go? Why do I refuse to say goodbye? Why can’t I sleep at night? Why am I breathless? hurting? Why do I want her so badly?

Its the words “I love you” that’s keeping me bound to her. That’s how much of a scumbag my heart is. When all my head tells me the rational reasons to let go… I still refuse. I listen to my emotions. And that… Is a bad way to make decisions.

But looking at it… It’s not the emotion that I’m listening to but my own principles… I meant every single word when I say that and even now I still do. That’s why I’m still bound to her… even if it hurts, even if I’m in pain… I’ll continue on…

Her sweet smile… Her soft tender voice whispering the words “I love you” right next to my ears… Her sweet delicate lips to kiss… Her care… her love… her support…

How beautiful she is. How amazing of a woman she is. Remembering all those keeps me falling in love with her everyday. Even now that we’ve fallen apart. The hurt won’t take me down… these memories will not hurt me… I will experience these things again someday… I will get there… I will win her heart again… Well I will… I will work on getting better, stronger, wiser… richer… to prove to her that I’ve done all these just for her. Just you see…

That very moment I laid eyes on her that day… The very time I bugged her from memorizing those lines… I just knew she was the one. She is the girl I am to love. I don’t know how or why? It just came to me… The first year we had together was pretty turbulent. I suffered so much heart aches and beatings from her but I still held on. Although those beatings got me worn down, I still continued on… Two beautiful years together was what followed and I felt so lucky to have a girl like her. How could I have not seen these? Why have I dwelt in memories that brought me pain? I’m really pathetic in a wayBut no! I will not fall down again! I will stand up and fight this war and I will go on to grow and get better for God and for her. I lost God along the way in our relationship. And because of that, no one was there to keep things from falling apart. It lead to this point where I lost everything. Now I have to rebuild, make amends and renew myself. This time, He should never be left out of the picture! HE should be the center! The one that binds everything together. Right now I lost everything… But I’m really good at building from scratch… So it wouldn’t be a problem. By the time I win her again… I want to bring us both closer to Him… To both fall in love… yet this time… In Him… I failed this time… But I won’t fail the next… I’ve lived and so I’ve learned.

Though now I’ve set her free… I’ve vowed that one day I’ll come back for her with a face to show… To show her I’ve grown better, stronger, wiser, sweeter than what she used to know me of. No lies pure truth. I’ll keep on going to strive better, to provide for her to create a future for both of us. Anything I could do to win her back. If she’s found someone else… I’ve got a good headstart… I got her first… And I’ll pray and pray and pray everyday for her… to keep her happy… and growing… I’ll grow spiritually mature to avoid myself from falling into my own emotions. To lead the relationship well and to keep her safe right in my arms again. I will win her again… I know that! She will love me again one day. And when that day comes… I WILL BE THE LUCKIEST GUY ON EARTH
Learning from my mistakes now, I’ll be a better boy friend to her and hopefully a better husband. I still have hope. I still have a future. Coz I’m holding on to her… With all the love that I have… I won’t be a loser anymore but a champion for her. Not a boy but a man for her.

Cyra…. You’ll always have me… 

You’re worth fighting for…

I’ll always love you…

This goodbye’s my second chance…. THANK YOU!