Life… no body can teach you how to live it. Sometimes, you just have to figure things out on your own. And as I constantly struggle to battle the inner demons within me, things just had to get worse. Edward’s the lost soul now… No wonder I hate it when people call me Edward.
Things aren’t going easy for John. Sleepless nights, breathless days and the feeling of being punched right through the gut gets the best of him. It’s torture in all aspects of the universe. Lost some of his friends, his girl, and hopefully not his life. The strong urge of getting himself killed always gets to him. Thank heavens he gets himself busy and occupied to do things. Yet either ways… things don’t seem to help.
“Why does it still hurt?” he asks…
“I’m happy to know that she’s happy… but if I really am… the why do I feel being crunched up inside.”
“It’s all in the mind” I told him, “It’s all in your thoughts”
Yet despite the futile attempt to comfort the saddened young man, I can see what’s going on in him. He sweats heavily, you could hear his chest pounding when you’re near him, you can really tell that he’s broken.
If there’s any way I could help this young man I would… But what is the cure? Love? Where the hell could I get that? He doesn’t seem to want to get a new girl right now. Nor does he intend on making out with another babe. Yet somehow, I have to agree with him. Doing those things will only hurt him more.
The dissatisfaction he had with his past relationship, the hurts and pains, may only be passed on to the new girl. It wouldn’t be fair for her.
There’s only two ways to fix these sort of problems though.
1 is to get back with his ex and get things fixed together.
– it helps create a stronger relationship between them. To get them to know each other even better and to help each other grow.
2 is to heal themselves individually
– this is the most practical way to approach things. For both of them to heal as individuals. Healing is one way of rejuvenating the spirit. Whenever they’re both ready, they could both fall in love with each other again, or simply find new love with at least knowing that they now have something to give to the next person.
Either ways, I’m still trying to find the best solution to make John feel better. He was suffering this year which totally affected everyone around him and yet this one came. It only devastated him all the more.
“John… How can I help you mend?” I earnestly ask…
“I just wish to have things better for the both of us.” He said
Now I know he sounds pretty pathetic no matter how you see it. Yet I totally understand how he feels. The fact alone that he was the one who was at the breaking end of the break up. He received the punch to the gut and believe me, it isn’t a pretty feeling to be there. This will really take time for him to get over things even if he tries to divert his mind off these…
But if you were to ask me. This guy’s going psycho. That’s why I wish to help him anyway I can. There’s still the “good guy John” inside him waiting to come out. It’s only a matter of tapping the right buttons to let him be that guy again.
“I feel guilty… I feel like I have wronged her so much…” He says.
“Well John, have you asked for her forgiveness?”
“Yes I tried… But she seems to be bitter towards me…”
“Then you did your part well… You admitted your own mistake and now know what to fix in your life.”
“But it feels really bad to have someone bitter towards you…”
“That my friend, is up to her if she could forgive you. As long as you know you were wrong, and that you’re willing to challenge yourself to become Mister Right again. You are on the right track. Women need time to heal.”
“But she says that she’s okay now.”
“Being bitter towards someone is never okay. It leads to ignoring and cutting communication from you and that only means that she still isn’t ready to forgive you. You stood up doing the right thing and apologizing and I believe that is enough.”
“I still love her you know…”
“We all love each other my friend… but you’ll have to learn to love yourself first and to embody that love to others who may need it as well. Your remaining friends, family and everybody around you. They need it man. Trust me.”
“Trying is the least for of commitment my friend, learn to say the words whatever it takes. It means never giving up until you get what you vowed for.”
“Cyra is a chapter in your life man… She’s the angel you thought you had until you lost her. I know it sucks with utmost shittyness… But that’s how it rolls brother. You’ve lost yourself and I believe all she wanted is for you to find yourself again. Be the great guy you once were John. She’s not the the end but the beginning of a better you. Don’t forget to thank her along the way. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, when someone throws rocks or dirt at you, you give back bread. Stay in the right. Man up and take up the golden sword this time around”
The young man then nodded in approval. Somehow I saw his spirit lifted up, though I know his grief still chains him to the core. Yet some day… I know all these will pass and he’ll be the great man I once knew. Right now he may try to fake things. To cover up whatever it is he hides. But later on… things will rise to the surface, and that’s something I’ve learned through his experience.
I wish to encourage the young man to be honest with what he feels rather than worry about being how pathetic he sounds. If it helps heal him. Then I don’t give a damn about it.
It feels like so long…
since I’ve talked to you…
It feels like forever…
since we’ve been together…
As the sky begin to cry…
I feel the raindrops touch my eyes
And as you leave to say good bye…
couldn’t help but break down and cry…
~o~o~o~ Instrumentals ~o~o~o~
It feels like its over…
but I still think of you…
It feels like I’m sober…
yet I will come back for you
As the stars begin to shine…
I know I’m still somewhere inside…
I know you’ll have me back someday!
I’m running away with you tonight
under the stars and the moonlight
shining over the atmosphere
of love so dear…
there’s no need to fear…
I’m running away with you tonight
under the falling rain from the sky
Falling over our heads…
as we love tonight…
there’s no need to hide…
Coz I’m somewhere inside…
I have been living in misery after all these years. Not knowing when or what is causing such troubles of mine.
I feel so much hatred and rage in me towards people who fucked my entire high school life. Though I do admit, that was partly my fault, but couldn’t forgiveness be given? Couldn’t people understand? Well the fact is no! Most people are subjected to their own personal opinions and could be very close minded about it.
I am not just talking about anybody here, I am talking about those shithead co-LCs of mine. They call themselves christians for what? Show-off? Such retarded fucks! They should’ve known better since they were linked to the faith for quite some time. Well compared to my experience of the faith, they were expected to be WAY more mature! Now look at them now. With all the wealth that they have, corrupted by worldly pleasures. I say FUCK THEM ALL!!!
I couldn’t help but feel enraged and angered for what they did to me! I curse them with all my heart. But is that the right thing to do? Does it make me the better man?
Lets face it man… We all do experience the same shit. Wanting people’s attention for glory and fame. We all want to be loved and appreciated. And when hurt, sometimes we couldn’t help but fall for anger.
I realized after we went to that outing that I am leashed to the pains of the past during high school. That is the reason why I couldn’t speak much or talk about anything with them; and to think I expected them to be my brothers. They turned out to be my most hated enemy.
I hope they all rot in hell for what they do! They’re no Christian! They’re fags! nothing but wretched fucked up retarded assholes for all I care?!
You want me to name these devils? well sure! they could sue me for all I care but this is freedom of speech man! Fuck that shit!
First is Joeven, now I really hate this retarded rich fag. The so-called “leader” of my highschool batch who are full of retarded sheep freaks who follows him blindly. Don’t get me wrong, not all are retarded. But majority are, especially those who are so in-linked with him. Lucifer reborn chinese fuck! FUCK YOU!
Next is Eugene. Yeah Eugene Mr TC. Some cheap retarded fucked up bastard who bullies me like hell. Well lemme tell him one thing if ever he gets to read this shit. FUCK YOU!!! Think you’re the ladies man huh? Well GO TO HELL YOU RETARDED FUCK!
Duane, ah duane! I really admire how shitty you could be covering up your little shit. YOU’RE FULL OF SHIT YOU KNOW THAT?! YOU LYING SON-OF-A-BITCH!!! Wanna sue me you cheap-ass christian? FUCK YOU!
Here comes Ian, ahh. Some numb-nut chinese fucktard who feels so great about himself. Well you know man? If ever you get to read this… I sincerely would like to extend my sincerest rage and anger to you. so FUCK YOU TOO!!!
Rot in hell you piece of trash!
Well there you have it… Felt better y’know! FUCK YOU JOEVEN! FUCK YOU DUANE! FUCK YOU EUGENE!! and FUCK YOU IAN!!!
I just wish there’ a special place in hell for you guys where you get some serious ass fucking! oh, still think you’re going to heaven huh? Well fuck that retards! Quit believing in your little fantasy coz you ain’t going there! Knowing how shitty you guys are? I don’t think heavens gates will open up for you you retarded assholes! FUCK YOU ALL!!!
Here are a few facts that you may not have known?!?
1. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
2. If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
3. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
4. A pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
5. A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death! (Creepy)
6. Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don’t try this at home, maybe at work)
7. The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off.
8. The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It’s like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
9. The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
10. Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
11. Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
12. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
13. Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
14. Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
15. A cat’s urine glows under a black light.
16. An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.
17. Starfish have no brains.
18. Polar bears are left-handed.
19. Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig?? T_T )
So! What do you guys think of my latest artwork? Pretty badass huh? Well… I started making this sketch in class one day. It is one of the best i could come up with based on the cleanliness of the artwork. The problem with me is, i usually have my artworks edited in photoshop yet it still ends up being so dirty. Truth is, I get really lazy when cleaning my sketches, and that is why. (facepalm)
Anyways, CUTENESS ISN’T EVIL!!! Where did I get the idea? It all started when i came around with a couple of friends who were talking about cute girls. Let’s face it guys, boys will always be boys and one major topic guys love to talk about are girls. It so happened that we were all talking about our experiences on hitting on women (now ladies, calm yourselves, I’m no pervert). Majority of the stories I’ve heard from my buddies are either getting beaten and bruised or getting laid after hitting on chicks.
Later then on, our little story telling focused on getting bruised and beaten by cute girls. Most of my buddies kept emphasizing that cute women are not only physically brutal but mentally and emotionally brutal too. This is where I started to share my story with them. This is the part where i could say… “I agree with you guys.”
Now, the internet’s pretty versatile and it pretty much opens a bunch of diverse activities for a lot of people today. With me, I humbly admit I did try hitting on girls through the net (What the hell?! O_o). I did this through chatting and friendster back then. Until One November night, I happen to hit on a really really cute girl. I mean, I totally like her and all, but with a lot of ladies I was chatting with, it was so damn hard to choose. The thing is, among most of the girls I’ve chatted with, this particular cute little lady was fun to talk with. The following month passed and our chatting became more frequent. I remember spending all night and day waiting for her to go online on Yahoo Messenger. On February of the following year, I confessed to her that I liked her and everything else followed. It went well at first, but a couple of time went by and she started making my life a living hell. I totally couldn’t believe that the cute little girl I used to be chatting with, so sweet and fun to be with now ended up giving me heart burns. I was even her temporary guy back then until her ex-boyfriend asks her back (Could you believe that?! O_o). She used to come home late too whenever she hangs out with friends, and knowing that she comes from an unfriendly neighborhood, even I guy like me would be so concerned for her safety. The bitter part of it was when she was even pushing me away. OUCH!
Guess what? I couldn’t. I was so insanely in to her that I couldn’t just stay away (yeah I know, Call me Mr stupid -.-). It went on for quite some time and seriously, I’m getting the beating of my life. This beating is a lot tougher than the beating I get on military training, rugby, and even street brawls I often get myself into. Man! Time came when I decided that I’ve had enough. It was something I consider tough to say but that’s that.
I was about to call when suddenly my phone rang. It was her! O_O
My heart was pounding. The sort of pounding that renders you breathless. Blood went rushing through my veins and my thoughts went awry. Did she call to break up with me? Or does she want me to do something for her? Am I gonna take another beating? I’d never know… All I knew was that my phone was ringing and if I don’t answer it she’ll kill me.
I picked my phone up and answered her call. I must be stupid for doing this, oh well… Her voice was on the other line. A simple “hello” followed by a long stream of deafening silence filled the line. I was freaking out and sweating! Took a little gulp and replied “Hello.”
Say it! End it! Break the noose around your neck! Break free! Be happy! Tell her first before she beats you up again! These sort of thoughts came hammering on my brain when suddenly, the silence broke.
“I LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH! And I’m sorry….”
I remember her saying those words as if this just happened yesterday. My eyes started feeling heavy. My head ached due to my heart beating so fast. Is this the calm before the storm? Is this another joke of hers?
“Hello… [sheepishly giggling]” What the hell am I saying? Is that all I could say? What a total dumbass!
“Hi… I love you sooo much luvie… I’m sorry and thank you!”
Shit! This is for real?! I wondered. But she does sound more like anything but sly and scheming then. I could really tell she was being sincere. I mustered my strength to regain composure to say something back…
“I love you?”
“Yes, forever and ever!”, she said sincerely.
My heart then melted. What else could I do but drop down feeling so overwhelmed with what I just heard. Tears where running down my cheeks resembling both my grief and joy arguing inside me.
She started to break the silence again…
With every word she was uttering, I couldn’t hear anything else but sincerity and pure honesty in it. She’s back! The loving, sweet and cute lady I knew back then. She went on explaining to me everything that had happened. As soon as my time came to speak, I told her everything I felt all throughout the times we were together, including my plan of ending it with her. I thought she would be narrow-mindedly be offended with what I said, but she was a good sport. All she did was express her regrets of what she did wrong and sweetly apologized again (this is why i really find her cute).
It was even the first time I heard her call me “Love” or “Honey”or “Dear” or “Sweety.” Every time though I hear her call me with endearment, butterflies start fluttering in my stomach. My day becomes lit with encouragement and eagerness knowing that she’s there to keep loving me.
The cute, sweet girl I once knew, became the cutest devil I couldn’t resist, but turned out to be the most loving angel I could ever wish for.
I ended my story with the guys and I felt a little teary eyed soon after.
“The only reason why those chicks become really brutal on you guys is because you don’t treat them the way they deserve… and that’s to be treated like real women. Respect, sincerity, honesty… Call me oldschool but I guarantee that once you treat them right, you”ll soon find yourselves saying, Cuteness Isn’t Evil at all…”
My best friend stood up and said “Women are like a rose, you treat them right, they’ll bloom, you treat them wrong, they’ll be a thorn in your ass.”
Silence filled the room. The boys were so engulfed by thought that I somehow knew what I just said had an impact on them. Just when I thought everything was enlightening my buddies though…
YOU’RE SOOOOOOOOOO GAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They then dragged me and my best bud to the pool and threw us in. Those rotten bastards! -.-
But then again… I knew the guys where always like that. Fun and rotten to then core when it comes to us being together but are really good and true friends… And most probably they’ll remember… “Cuteness Isn’t Evil.”